Distressing perfectionism can leave you feeling like no matter what you do, no matter how hard you try, you are simply never good enough. It can lead to issues like anxiety, depression, extreme procrastination or a loss of self worth. If you are concerned about how perfectionism is impacting you, therapy can help.
CBT for Perfectionism & Procrastination
Distressing Perfectionism
Distressing perfectionism is my term to describe when the standards of perfectionism become so extreme that they negatively impact functioning, self-esteem or mood. People with this type of perfectionism have unrealistic standards for themselves, and when they fail to meet these standards may harshly criticize themselves. This is opposed to a healthier type of perfectionism in which someone might hold themselves to very high standards, but still feel OK about themselves if they fail to meet those standards.
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• Do you criticize yourself harshly if you don't meet goals or expectations?
• Do you compare yourself to others frequently?
• Do you spend way too much time on work or school assignments, checking and re-checking for errors or ways to improve?
• Do you feel anxious or depressed about meeting the standards of perfection you have set?
• Do you seek approval from others and feel the need to be assured of your skills?
• Do you hold yourself to unrealistically high standards, and have an unrealistic assessment of your performance?
• Do you worry about making mistakes?
• Do you have difficulty with relationships due to your high standards for perfection in yourself or others?
• Do you feel that if you do not meet your standard for perfection, you are unworthy as a person?
• Do you feel like a failure no matter what you accomplish?
• Are you unable to celebrate your successes (instead of feeling good about doing well, you just feel relieved that you didn’t fail)?
• Do you feel that you have to be the perfect parent/spouse/friend, even if it results in negative outcomes for yourself?
• Do you have a strong fear of letting others down?
• Do you have self imposed “rules” or standards that you have to strictly abide by, with no exceptions allowed?
• Do you feel a strong desire to control your environmentt, schedule or plans?
• Did you immediately notice and fret about the typo above (just kidding!)?
If these symptoms feel familiar to you, an assessment may be warranted. Distressing perfectionism can lead to anxiety, depression, loss of self worth, and extreme procrastination. Perfectionism can also negatively impact your relationships and your ability to function at work or school. However, Cognitive Behavioral therapy has been shown to be helpful in treating the symptoms of distressing perfectionism. We can work together to learn about the thought and behavior patterns that are maintaining your perfectionism, and learn how to change those patterns.
Procrastination
Extreme procrastination happens when we continually delay starting or completing tasks. Procrastination can cause anxiety, depression, and loss of self-worth. Missing deadlines and assignments can cause issues at home, work or school. Often, procrastination comes along with distressing perfectionism, other times it doesn’t, but when you get caught up in the cycle of procrastination it can cause some very negative outcomes.
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• Do you take a very long time to start or complete tasks?
• Do you find yourself procrastinating or avoiding starting tasks for fear of being unable to complete them perfectly?
• Do you do everything and anything else in the world to avoid starting or finishing a task (scroll social media, clean your bathrooms, organize your closets, etc.)?
• Do you wait until the very last minute (or beyond) to start tasks?
• Do you predict that you will be unable to turn tasks in on time or that your product will not meet the required standards?
• Do you turn assignments in late and miss deadlines?
• Do you have difficulty enjoying your resting time due to constant anxiety and worry about overdue tasks?
• Do you criticize and berate yourself for your procrastination?
• Do you avoid thinking about overdue tasks due to feeling overwhelmed and full of dread?
• Do you think you are less worthy as a person due to your procrastination behaviors?
• Do you give up before you even start?
If these experiences feel familiar to you, an assessment may be warranted. Getting stuck in the cycle of procrastination can be miserable, and can result in lasting negative consequences. However, it is possible to learn new skills and new ways of thinking that can help you stop the cycle of procrastination and get back to living a less stressful and more productive life.
“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.”